


Masquerades and Mardi Gras

by crazyTXgradstudent



Series: Collision Course [4]
Category: Benedict Cumberbatch - Fandom, Benedict Cumberbatch/OFC - Fandom, British Actor RPF, RPF - Fandom, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Body Dysphoria, Bulimia, Cajun culture, Culture Shock, Eating Disorders, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Family Secrets, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, I will never quit my day job, Louisiana, Past Rape/Non-con, Purging, Rehabilitation, Resolved Sexual Tension, Secrets, Unresolved Sexual Tension, be easy on me, binge eating, cause I'd be broke, clearly, heaven help us all, it's my first ben fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2018-09-21 20:00:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9564095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazyTXgradstudent/pseuds/crazyTXgradstudent
Summary: Bad first impressions can leave a lasting impact...





	1. Chapter 1

She was so familiar, Ben thought to himself. Something about her voice, that laughter, the way she carried herself even. He was almost certain he’d seen her before, but couldn’t put his finger on it. He pulled his beer back up to his lips and took a another sip, his brows furrowed as he mused.

She couldn’t be more than about 25 years or so. Long, dark hair –black maybe?– trailed down her back and fell around her bare shoulders. The vest top she was wearing left her toned arms completely bare save for the mass of bracelets and bands she wore about her wrists. She was shorter than he liked, but curvy. Bloody hell, but she was curvy! Those things she was passing off for shorts hardly left anything to the imagination, and he couldn’t help but look her over. That ass was just as round and…He painfully swallowed the mouthful of beer that he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in his mouth.

Slim, but shapely, calves all but disappeared in the dark brown cowboy boots she was wearing, leaving a vast expanse of thigh visible. His eyes traveled back up her legs. God, they looked delightful. Dark, sun-tanned skin that made him wonder if they were really that smooth? His fingers tightened around the beer. She turned from him, facing another customer, and his eyebrows shot up. One corner of his mouth lifted in a half-hearted grin.

It appeared that she had a tattoo on her right thigh, running from just above her knee, and disappearing under those… _shorts._

_A thigh tattoo, of all things…_

“Goddamnit,” he muttered as he forced himself to look away. He needed to get out of this place. He needed to stop letting his mind wonder just how far that tattoo went up her thigh, and he certainly did not need to wonder if she had any more hidden tattoos! Fuck! He needed to pay his tab, and find his bloody hotel, and put this woman - this girl! - out of his mind. He clearly was suffering from an extreme case of jet lag! He reached in his pocket and pulled out his mobile. Fassbender was going to catch hell for this, if it was the last thing Ben ever did! Why hadn’t he just picked him up from the airport, or arranged a car–

“Can I get you another beer, mister?”

Ben nearly dropped his mobile, so startled at hearing that sweet, sultry voice so nearby. Before he even looked up, he knew it would be her. All things be damned, but he knew it was her. His eyes darted up as he mentally prepared himself for the inevitable.

 _Christ almighty, but she was beautiful!_ Her eyes weren’t brown as he’d assumed from far away, but more of a dark grey, almost silver in this light. Dimples on both cheeks framed damn near perfect teeth as she smiled back at him. She had a piercing in her nostril, a small, dazzling diamond. He was gaping at her, he knew he must be, god save him! But his mouth slowly closed, and his brows drew together, as the smile she’d bestowed on him slowly faded.

Now her plump lips had flattened into a disapproving pout. Or so he thought…

No, she wasn’t pouting, she was glaring at him. _Bloody hell._ He swallowed his nervousness and tried to keep his facial expression neutral.

“I know you, don’t I?” The woman’s voice was calculated, and tinged with a bitterness Ben was sure he didn’t deserve. Head cocked to the side, she leaned back, hands placed on those hips that were just barely covered with that scrap of denim, and snorted in what sounded like disgust. She appeared annoyed with him, for whatever reason!

“Yeah, I know you!”

Ben rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably and looked around. Some of the other patrons were starting to take notice, and the last thing he wanted was to be recognized here. He held a hand up, placatingly. Hoping she would just back off and let him be. He just had to convince her that he was not who she assumed he was…no matter what movie or television show she’d seen.

“Look, miss, I assure you, _I am no_ t who you think I am,” Ben began, only to be cut off again.

“Oh, no. I remember you alright. You were in here a few years back, I think.” The woman scratched her lip in contemplation, and shook her head. “I’d never forget you. Or your assholeish comments and dick behavior.” She dropped a scrap of paper - his tab - on the table in front of Ben. “My shift’s over, find someone else to help you. Or you could just leave.”

Ben sat, mouth hanging open in shock, as the woman turned on her heel and left him. She disappeared behind a door, and then he was alone again. Well, he felt alone in the crowded bar, anyway. Idiot. He was way off in his assumption of her recognizing him. Way off! He glanced around, his cheeks red with embarrassment, but was at least relieved to see no one was paying him any mind any longer. Acutely uncomfortable still, he dropped some money on the table and made his way to the door, doing his best to stay in the shadows along the wall. Once outside, he sucked in a deep breath of air and tried to wrap his mind around what had just happened.

Who in the bloody fuck was that woman? He had no idea, and was quite certain — _short of a vague sense of déjà vu_ — that he’d never seen her before! Let alone interacted with her! Yet there she had stood and accused him of being an asshole AND a dick!! Ben huffed in annoyance and pulled his jacket up around his neck to ward of the slight chill. Stupid weather. He jumped again when his mobile buzzed in his pocket.

“I swear on all that is holy…” he grumbled as he pressed the answer button…

     


	2. Chapter 2

An hour later, Shelby was sitting in her car, still dealing with the after-affects of an almost full-blown panic attack. She was sitting in her driveway, doing her best to repeat the exercises and speak the affirmations given to her by her therapist.

“He’s not worth it. Think about how far you’ve come, how good you’re doing.” Shelby gripped the steering wheel tight enough to turn her knuckles white.  Her hands trembled; her whole body was shaking.  “He’s just a man. A very stupid, idiotic man. He’s not worth it, but I am. I am worth it.” Shelby opened her eyes and forced herself to look in the mirror, hands still holding the steering wheel for dear life. Her frightened eyes stared back at her, the whites stark against her tanned skin.  She cringed. 

Everything in her was screaming to look away, to be ashamed, but her therapist’s words echoed somewhere in her head, reminding her of what she needed to do. She grit her teeth and blinked a few times, still staring at her reflection in the rearview mirror, doggedly forcing herself to continue.

“You are worth it, Shelby. You are strong, and you are brave, and you have come so far. And you are worth it. You’re not that person anymore. Nobody can force you back there anymore.”  
Shelby swallowed the lump in her throat, and whispered to her reflection, “I am never going back there again. Ever. I won’t.”

A tear overflowed and rolled down her cheek, but Shelby felt relief beginning to wash over her. She could tell by the way her heart rate was slowing that she had passed the worst of it, that she was coming down from the crest of it. A few more deep breaths and she felt well enough to climb out of her car and head up the few steps to her small apartment. Once inside, she did the first thing she usually did when she was having an attack.

“What’s up, cuz?” The strong voice of her cousin came over the line, and Shelby sank down along the door to sit on the floor.

“Hey, Jake. You busy?”

“Never too busy for you. What’s goin’ on?”

“I just needed someone to talk to. I was feeling kinda…weird…you know, I have these moments and I freak out a little and I guess I just wanted to hear a friendly voice.” Shelby forced her voice to remain calm.

“Shelly, are you alright? Do I need to come down?” Jacob’s voice had gotten deeper in his concern. Shelby couldn’t help but smile.

“No, crazy. I’ll see you this weekend anyways. I just wanted to talk to someone who knows how crazy I am.”

“You are crazy, but I do understand,” Jacob teased, and Shelby couldn’t help but giggle.

“You are a jerk, Jacob LeBlanc!”

“You know I’m your favorite cousin, quit lyin’,” Jacob shot back, the grin in his voice evident. Shelby relaxed even more.  It was true; he was her most favorite cousin. They'd been through so much together, and Jacob knew all her secrets. 

“How are my babies?” She asked with a smile.

“ _My babies are fine._ Can’t wait to see their Tante Shelby, I’m sure.” Jacob’s voice was heavy with pride.  Though cousin was the proper term for their relationship, Shelby and Jacob knew she'd be more of an aunt than anything. 

“Tante Shelby?  I like that," Shelby giggled to herself.  "It’s good that they finally got to come home. How’s Ellie?”

“Driving me insane. But good now that her babies are home.”

“I can imagine. Are you sure this party is a good idea?” Shelby stood up and walked into the kitchen. She pulled out stuff to make a sandwich, and laid it out on the countertop. “Like, you know with them just getting out of the hospital?”

“Well it’s just gonna be family. Leon.  Plus Lennie, and Cooper, and Michael. And whoever else, but it won’t be that crazy. It is festival season, so we have to celebrate. Ellie’s orders.” Jacob laughed again. “She never misses a chance to throw a party!”

“Yay! I'll finally get to meet the other half," Shelby smiled, referring to Michael and Cooper.  She'd met Lennie a few weeks back at another family gathering. Lennie was heavily pregnant, due in a little over two months, Jacob had said. And Michael was some famous actor, also according to Jacob, but Shelby had never bothered to dig deeper.   "Okay, well I’ve got my mask and stuff. It’ll be just me, of course.” Shelby shoved an errant piece of ham in her mouth.

“Sometimes it’s better that way, Shelly Belly.”

Shelby’s eyes narrowed at the use of that name, but she found it hard to be mad at Jacob. She knew he meant well; it was just her old demons playing around in her head, making something outta nothing.  As usual. 

“Yeah, easy for you to say.” She scooped up her sandwich and headed into the living room. “Okay, I’ll let you go. I know you're busy. See you this weekend?” She plopped down on the couch and grabbed the remote.

“Yes, indeed. Be there or be square.” 

“You’re a dork,” Shelby laughed.  She could almost hear him winking like an idiot at his own words!  “Love you. Talk to you later.”

Jacob said goodbye and Shelby hung the phone up, and settled in for her usual nightly routine. She ate her sandwich slowly, doing her best to savor each bite. It was hard though. Her mind kept returning to the guy in the bar earlier.  To what he'd said so long ago, the way he'd behaved.  She knew it was him. It had to be.  She would remember that voice until the day she died; it seemed to haunt her almost.  Those eyes, that hair, that voice...it was like she was transported back some 5 years. 

_God…_

Of all the people she thought she might ever see again, he was not one of them. She had rehearsed it in her head a hundred times since that day, each time ending with her getting the upper hand, ** _with her getting the last word._ **  He had intimidated her then; he intimated her again tonight.  And it pissed her off to no end!  She was past all that stuff, past all her insecurity -- or so she thought.  Then he shows up and it all goes to shit again.  Motherfucker, Shelby shook her head in annoyance.  Still, she was proud of herself for standing up to him the way she had, even if she did sorta, kinda just run away.   Why did he have to be such a dick? _And why did he have to come to her bar??_  

She took another bite of her sandwich, chewing angrily as the memories came flooding back…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tante - Cajun word for aunt. Pronounced like "taunt"
> 
> Nonc or Nonk- Cajun word for uncle. Pronounced "naw-nk"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for this. Lesson learned: don't drink and...whatever. Just don't drink haha

**4 years back, give or take..**

F **riend's Tavern**

**Morgan City, Louisiana**

 

 

Shelby had just started working at _Friend's,_ had only been there a little over a month at the time of the incident. (The "incident" was how she referred to it) She was working late shift, and was completely uncomfortable in her outfit, which was of course a requirement for the job.   With a forced smile on her face, she made her way over to the table that housed the men: two white with reddish hair, and one African-American. She held her pad out in front of her and widened her smile.

“What can I get you guys?”

 

“I’ll have a beer, please,” the African-American man smiled up at her.  He had a pleasant accent, and she found herself smiling in spite of her nervousness. HIs glasses made him look older, more mature and wiser than his companions.  She looked to the other two men.

“And for you guys?”

“I’ll have a whiskey.” This one smiled at her with a mouth full of teeth, and Shelby flinched under his cool gaze. He had a thick, red beard, and it did nothing to take away from his handsomeness.  He was absolutely gorgeous.  He also had an accent, indicating he was not from around here, either. He looked so familiar, but not.  Shelby made a mental note to look at the tab later to see if she knew this guy. 

“And I’ll have the same,” the other man chimed in, drawing her attention back.  Shelby glanced at him, her breath catching at his oddly colored eyes that were currently trained on her. She felt herself flush under his gaze.

 

 

He had one balled fist propped against his temple, just a ghost of a smile on his face as he stared at her.  God, he was gorgeous. High, chiseled cheekbones, deeply-set eyes in that odd color, a smattering of freckles across his nose and — A throat being cleared made her realize she was still staring, and she looked down, hastily scribbling down the order, her cheeks blooming hotter with embarrassment at being so stupid.

“Okay. Anything else? Any food?” Her voice high-pitched, she focused on the African-American man…he seemed safest to her out of the three. He smiled broadly up at her, and shook his head.

“Not for now, I don’t think.”

With a nod, Shelby turned away, and made her way back to the bar to get the order taken care of.  She was mortified, and did her best to not look at the men at that far table. Especially not that one with the insane eyes. _What color was that, anyways?_ There was no way he was from around here!

**“Shelby!!”**

Shelby looked up, swallowing hard, her nerves starting to fray as her boss came closer.

“Yes, ma’am?” Shelby forced that smile back on her face and adjusted her tank. She couldn’t lose this job. She’d be homeless if she did. She couldn’t let her family down again, not after all they’d done for her.

“Do you realize who’s at that table you're waiting on?” Kelli propped a well-manicured hand on her curvy hip and waited.  Kelli was either 21 or 43 - _given the day and the customer._  Today she looked like she was going for mid-20s, what with the clothes she was wearing. Tighter than usual jeans, stiletto boots, and a black tank top embroidered with **_"Friends don't let Friends Drink Alone_** " plastered across the front of her ample chest.  Shelby had seen her behave differently towards customers, but never on this level. And to think this woman was the manager of this place....

“My table?” Shelby looked around in confusion.

“The one you just took. Do you know who they are?” Kelli arched an eyebrow, clearly annoyed.

“I’m sorry, no I don’t,” Shelby stammered pitifully. “I just took their order, and—”

“They’re filming a movie around here called _12 Years a Slave._ That one guy, the black guy? He’s Steve McQueen. An award winning director. The other two? Michael Fassbender and Benedict Cumberbatch, also very popular.” Kelli’s lips flattened with even more annoyance at Shelby's naivety. 

Shelby rubbed her hand up her bare arm, trying to calm the goosebumps that had just appeared at this information. “Uhmm…okay, I don’t know them. What should I do? Like what do you need me to do?”

“I need you to give me the order, and stay out of it. That’s what I need you to do.” Kelli held her hand out, palm up. “Give me the tab and I’ll take care of them.”

Relieved, Shelby handed over the small sheet of paper.

* * *

 

**_3 hours later…._ **

It was nearing 2:00am, and the bar was getting ready to close. Or should be getting ready to close. However, the trio was still there, the movie stars. They were still there, along with a few women that had immersed themselves in the mix. Now they were doing belly shots off the bar. Shelby’s eyes widened when she saw Kelli climb up and lift her shirt, revealing a tightly toned, and very tanned,  mid-drift. Some woman took a shot from Kelli’s navel. Shelby's mouth dropped open,  her eyes going wide and blinking at what was going on.  Granted, she was 23, but this was not what usually happened here. Not that she knew of anyways, and she was so uncomfortable.  All she wanted to do was go home.

_**“Shelby!!”** _

Shelby cringed at the shrill voice calling her name, but slowly made her way over to the small crowd by the bar.

“Yes?” She squeaked out, only making eye contact with Kelli. Out of her peripheral vision, she could see the African-American man was passed out, his head resting on folded arms on the table, and could just barely make out the sounds of his soft snores over the noise. _God this was outta control…_

“We need more whiskey over here. Can you grab us another bottle?” Kelli peered up at her from where she was laying on the bar. Kelli was wasted; it was so obvious, and Shelby felt a feeling of dread wash over her.  Kelli was the one in charge here, for crying out loud!

“And Coke please,” the man they called Michael asked her with a smile and a wink.

With cursory nod, Shelby quickly made her way back to the back and grabbed the requested items - one large bottle of Jack Daniels, and a two-liter of Coke - and went back to Kelli.

“Here you go.” She set the items on the bar and made to leave, but Kelli grabbed her arm.

“Wanna do a shot with us?” Her boss’s words were slurring in her drunken state.

Shelby swallowed again, her heart beginning to pound in her chest with anxiety.

“No, no, I’m good. I actually think I might go home, if you don’t mind?” Shelby tried to smile through her trembling.  Her cheeks burned with shame as she felt eyes on her. 

“Go home? We’re just getting started!” The one with the crazy eyes - Ben - chuckled near her ear, causing Shelby to jump. _When had he moved so close to her??_   “Come on, have a drink with us?”

“Nah, I don’t drink…I don’t think, you know, I just uh…” Shelby moved out of reach, her arms wrapped around herself protectively. The man - Ben - backed her up into the bar, and she could smell the whiskey on his breath as he breathed over her.  He placed a hand on the bar on each side of her, effectively trapping her in front of him. 

“One little drink won’t hurt anyone, would it?” His eyes bored into hers, holding her hostage in what felt like a game of cat-and-mouse.  Except it felt like she was the tiny mouse, while he was more like a leopard.  A huge, dangerous, predatory cat. _After her._ She trembled uncontrollably, but couldn't look away for the life of her. He trailed one long finger up her bare arm, leaving a path of goosebumps in his wake.

“Why haven’t I seen you this evening?” Ben murmured softly, his accent thick and intoxicating. The deep baritone washed over her, sending every nerve on high-alert.  His eyes darted down to her tank top, openly gazing at Shelby’s heaving bosom;  he wasn't even trying to disguise it.  “You’re not like these other girls.” It was more of a statement rather than a question.

“No, I’m not,” Shelby whispered. Something inside her was both terrified and turned on, all at that same time. It was unnerving, the way he was staring at her. She wanted to run, but she didn’t.  Couldn't get her damn feet to do anything except shake below her knees!

“No belly shots for you, then?” Ben asked, one eyebrow quirked as those eyes traveled back up and met hers. 

“I”m not the belly shot type,” Shelby whispered again. She lifted her chin, summoning what little courage she had. “Please let me go, mister.”

“Ben…my name is Ben,” the man with the crazy eyes smiled down at her. He stood back, releasing her from the cage he’d created with his arms. He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. “You’re right. Not the belly shot type, indeed.”

His eyes raked over Shelby’s body again, and this time she couldn’t help but feel criticized by him, judged even. Her eyes narrowed and her spine stiffened.

“What does that mean?”  She was damn near hissing at his pompous tone. 

“You’re a bit more…how do I say this delicately?”—Ben tapped a finger against his lips — _“healthy?”_   That one brow lifted again, this time almost in challenge.  And he was still smirking. The motherfucker. 

Shelby’s mouth dropped open at his words, while her stomach roiled with self-disgust as all the old demons rose up at this man’s careless words. Acting purely on instinct, she snapped her mouth shut and did the the only thing she could think of — grabbed a nearly-full and long-forgotten bottle of stale beer... _and flung it at him._ He sputtered, backing away from her as he wiped at his face, but Shelby continued to sling the bottle at him to get all the liquid out. His hair hung down over his eyes, his shirt was drenched, as well as the front of his pants. He glared at her, while everyone else continued whatever they were doing. 

“You bitch!” He growled as he wiped his face again, slinging some of the beer off.

“Fuck you!” Shelby spat back, and for good measure, threw the now-empty beer bottle at him. Lucky for him, she was a bad aim. Ben jumped, and when the glass shattered at his feet, the noise finally died down as everyone realized what was going on between the pair. 

“Hey, hey, everyone needs to calm the fuck down, yeah?” The other man, Michael, placed a hand on Ben’s shoulder to hold him back. “Ben? You alright?”

“No, I’m not fucking alright! Do I look alright?” Ben spat angrily. His eyes, vivid with anger, flashed back to Shelby. “I do hope this isn’t the best we can come up with here in this state! Such fucking bullshit!” He reached over and grabbed a napkin to wipe his face off.

“Shelby! You need to go home!” Kelli screeched as she crawled off the bar and adjusted her clothing.  Without even checking on Shelby, Kelli made her way over to Ben to see how he was doing. 

“Fine,” Shelby muttered, and walked away. **_Finally!!_**

She was grabbing her purse and digging out her keys when she felt a hand on her arm. She jerked out of the grasp, keys at the ready as she thought it would be him.  She was going to stab his eyes out!!

_It wasn’t._

“You alright, sweetheart?” Michael asked her, his eyes gentle as he looked her over.

“I’m fine. I just want to go home.” Shelby sniffled, feeling herself on the verge of tears at this man’s kindness.  She didn't even know him.  

“I’m sorry about Ben,” Michael apologized. “He’s usually not like that. Too much to drink, just got out of bad relationship, I don’t know. He’s in a bad place right now.”

“Yeah, I really don’t care, okay?” Shelby tugged her jacket on. “He’s an asshole, and I’ll never watch any of his stupid fucking movies.”

Michael chuckled as he followed her to the door and out to her car, but wisely made no more comments about his friend and co-worker. 

“Are you sure you can drive?” Michael asked.

“I’m not drunk.” Shelby opened her door and crawled in. Michael closed the door and leaned down to look through the window.

“You sure?”

“Bye.” Shelby rolled the window up, shutting him out. She backed up, turned out of the driveway, and headed down the darkened highway. 5 minutes down the road, she pulled over, unable to hold it any longer. She opened the door and fell out to the ground, and in a flash, her fingers were jammed down her throat.

A few minutes later it was over.

Shelby shakily crawled back in her car, and started it back up. She turned the radio on low and headed home. She was sweaty and trembling, but her anxiety had passed for the moment.

It always did after she purged.


	4. Chapter 4

**Present day - The Baby’s Welcome Home/Mardi Gras party**

Shelby pulled her tiny Honda Accord in behind Jacob’s huge ass truck, rolling her eyes as she did so. She would swear every time she came over, he had a new truck.  A new boat. _A new toy._

“Men,” she snorted as she put the car in park and turned it off. A quick glance in the rearview mirror to adjust her mask before grabbing her cell and small purse, and then headed up to the house.  She looked around, her nerves fraying a little as she noticed a few unfamiliar cars.  She self-consciously pulled at her low ponytail, and wiggled in her jeans, pulling them up from where they had ridden down on her hips. She was more than covered up for this party in dark jeans, black, knee-high boots, and a light, black sweater, but it was the all-too familiar insecurity of having to interact with people she didn't know that set her heart pumping faster.

_Thankfully she had a mask on; at least she could pretend to be someone she was not._

The door opened before she could knock, and Ellie was there, greeting her with a huge hug.

“Shelby! Oh my god I’m so glad you could make it!” Ellie hugged Shelby tightly as she pulled her into the house.  Shelby took it in stride, not being the “huggy-kinda” person. She wasn't much for public displays of affection, and Jacob and his family were the exact opposite.  Ellie had tamed Jacob.  Every time Shelby was around them, it almost made her nauseous how cotton-candy sweet her cousin and his girlfriend were.  Enough to give you a cavity!

“Jake! Shelly’s here!” Ellie called as she closed the door behind them.  Shelby took the opportunity to look around, and was dismayed to see there were at least 4 people she didn’t know.

_Great._

“Hey Shelly-Belly!” Jacob lifted his mask and grinned at her as he too enveloped her in a hug. “About time you got here!” He ushered her over to the small gathering congregated by the babies. “Hey ya’ll, this is my cousin Shelby.”

Jacob’s sister, Lennie, stood - _with a little help from who Shelby assumed was Michael_ \- and hugged her as well. They had all lifted their masks, Shelby included, so everyone could see who they were talking to to start.  The babies, twins Riley and Jackson, cooed and gurgled from inside their small bassinet they shared.  

“Hey Shelby. How are you?” Lennie released her, glancing at the man still holding her elbow. “This is my fiancé Michael, and” - Lennie looked around with a frown - “somewhere around here is our son, Cooper.”

“How do you do?” Michael also lifted his mask, and grinned at Shelby with a huge mouthful of teeth. That unforgettable smile. Shelby felt her stomach drop when she realized she knew him. _God, she knew him._

“You’re Michael?” Shelby stammered like an idiot. She completely ignored the hand he’d offered her, instead taking a step back as her hand went to her throat. She wants to pull her mask back down and disappear. Actually she wanted to leave, but that wasn’t an option at the moment.

“Unless I’m working, yes,” Michael winked at her. Not even a few seconds later, his brows drew together and Shelby knew that he also knew. “Wait a minute. I do believe we’ve met, haven’t we?”

Lennie looked between the two of them, curiosity peaked.

“You guys have met?”

“At the…at the bar,” Shelby stammered again. Michael sighed.

“Yeah, a few years back, when we were filming _12 Years_.” He cocked his head to the side, his tone apologetic. “It was…sort of…uh….not a good meeting, right?”

“What does that mean? _Not a good meeting?_ ” Lennie looked between the two of them.  Jacob walked up, his mask still propped up on top of his head.

“What are y’all talking about?”

“They’ve met already,” Lennie motioned between Shelby and Michael.

“Oh yeah?” Jacob looked down at Shelby. “How come you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t realize it was the same Michael,” Shelby offered quietly. _Or else I wouldn’t have come,_ she thought to herself…

“I fear it wasn’t the best time when we met, Jacob,” Michael began explaining. “It was me, Steve, and Ben—”

“Right here!” A deep baritone voice called from the kitchen doorway. Ben walked out, still drying his hands on the front of his jeans. His mask, like everyone else’s, was pushed back on his forehead, revealing his face. His smile slowly disappeared as he made his way over to the crowd.  Once his eyes met Shelby’s, he frowned.

_Quite openly._

“Wow.” That word hung heavy in the tense silence.

“Wow what? What the hell is going on here, Ben?” Jacob demanded, his tone getting an angry edge to it as he looked between Ben and Shelby.  

From somewhere in the back, a baby started crying, and Ellie called for help.  Jacob looked between the adults, his eyes on Shelby at the end. “I’m gonna go help Ellie, but then I’ll be back, okay?” He was reassuring her.  Telling her he was going to protect her.  Shelby gave him the best smile she could and nodded.

“Go, Jake. It’s fine, I promise.” _She was such a good liar._

After Jacob had gone, Lennie wasted no time and got right down to it.

“Michael. What is going on? Tell me before Jacob gets back.” Lennie pointedly looked up at her fiancé. Michael glanced over at Ben, who’d now taken a seat on the far couch. His jaw ticked as he angrily punched numbers on his mobile. Michael swallowed again.

“Well, we were drunk, and…well Ben sort of got really pissed, you know? And well he…uhh…” Michael looked around for Jacob, _knowing how bad things could get_ _if he didn’t fix this immediately_ —  “and well, Ben and Shelby sort of… _you know_ ….got into a bit of an argument.  It was really quite silly, you know, all things considered.  And Ben was really pissed, and—”

“So let me explain, since your fiancé was clearly too drunk to remember. _He”_  -- Shelby pointed at Ben— “pushed me up against the bar, hit on me - _unwanted, might I add!_ —and then basically told me I was fat once I turned him down. Then I got pissed, threw a beer at him, and he called me a bitch.” Shelby glared over at Ben. “Sound about right?”

“You forgot the part where you told me to fuck off,” Ben casually remarked, still not looking up.  Shelby seethed. She wanted to walk over and slap his stupid, arrogant face.

_What a bastard._

**_“Benedict!!_** Are you serious right now?” Lennie hissed. Ben shrugged his shoulders helplessly. Michael stood nervously, one hand covering his mouth as he tried to figure out what to do.

“Look, I think we should all calm down, don’t you think?” Michael placed a hand on Lennie’s shoulder, which she promptly shrugged off. Michael went back to standing there, helpless, that same hand covering his mouth, blue eyes wide.  

“Apologize, Ben!” Lennie demanded angrily. “You owe her an apology.”

“I don’t want his apology,” Shelby sneered. She walked over and grabbed her keys off the foyer table, and was just about to walk out when Jacob halted her at the door.

“Please don’t leave. Let me fix this. He’ll apologize, or he can leave. Simple as that.” Jacob vowed. Shelby stared down at the doorknob, warring with herself.

“I can’t be around him, Jake. I think I should just go.”

“No. Fuck that. You’re family, he can fuckin’ leave.”   When her cousin talked like that, she knew he meant business. Shelby looked up, her eyes watery with unshed tears.  Jacob nodded, assuring her he would do what he said.

“I’m gonna go out back, have a smoke, then,” Shelby mumbled as she pulled her pack of cigarettes out her back pocket.

“I thought you quit?” Jacob frowned as he walked her past everyone and to the back door.

“I’m fuckin’ stressed, Jake. It’s how I cope, okay?” Shelby stepped out onto the old familiar porch and took a deep breath.  

It's true, she had tried to quit. Just like everything else that was bad for her, she'd been systematically eliminating them.  Smoking was the one thing that she kept having the most trouble with, and she and her therapist agreed that cutting back was better than trying to quit and completely backsliding into something much worse.  The smoking would stay for now at least. 

“I’ll be back shortly, ok?”

“Okay,” Shelby answered as she took a seat on an old rocking chair. The door closed behind Jacob, and she was blissfuly left alone.

* * *

 

“What the fuck, man?” Jacob glared at Michael in warning first, and then up and over to Ben. “What’s his fuckin’ problem?”

“Look,” Ben stood up, “this is all my fault. I was pissed that night. Really fucking pissed, and I said some really awful things to her, and I am very sorry. I don’t even remember it, quite frankly. Only know because Michael, here,  wasn’t quite as pissed.” Ben gave Michael a half-hearted smile, then turned back to Jacob, a hand placed over his heart in emphasis. “Look, let me go and apologize to her. I owe her that much, especially now that I’m sober. Then I’ll leave.”

Jacob glared at Ben, then at Michael, then back at Ben. He mulishly crossed his arms over his muscular chest.

“Let him at least apologize, Jacob,” Lennie urged softly. She placed a hand on her brother’s shoulder. “Then he can leave. If Shelby’s still not okay, Michael will take Ben back to his hotel, okay?”

Jacob continued glaring at Ben.

“Well, I’m going to go find Cooper,” Michael blurted out. He quickly made his exit. Lennie rolled her eyes at Michael’s obvious desire to avoid confrontation.  Such a coward!

“You got 5 minutes, dude. Then I’m coming out to handle this myself.” Jacob’s brown eyes bored into Ben’s vivid ones. Ben nodded.

“Agreed.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

Shelby blew out a puff of smoke, watching as it rose into the balmy Louisiana air. It was February, and it was still humid. The screen door squeaked as it opened.

“Mind if I borrow a light?”

Shelby turned at that voice.

“What are you doing out here?” She dropped her cigarette and ground it out with her boot heel, fully intending on leaving. Ben held up a hand, halting her.

“Shelby, please? Let me just say my piece, and then you can go, right?” His voice dropped an octave. “I am really, really sorry.”

Shelby shivered. In spite of how much she loathed him, she couldn’t deny what his voice did to her. Hearing her name roll off his tongue was something completely unexpected and disorienting. It made it hard to think. Made it hard to breathe, even.  

_She wanted him to say it again._

_God! What the hell was wrong with her???_  Shaking her head at herself, she stubbornly turned back and leaned over the rail, focusing on the water that lapped along the bank at the edge of Jacob’s property. Whatever the fuck was going on in her head where this man was concerned, it needed to stop.  Right now.  Ben moved to stand beside her, and she tensed a little more.

“Have you got a light?”  He asked again, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled over them. 

“No.”

“Alright then.” Ben placed his own cigarette back in the inner pocket of his coat.  “So, I’m sorry,” he began again.

“Yes. _You are sorry_. Now you can apologize,” Shelby snarked.  Despite himself, Ben chuckled.

“Yes, I’m a sorry prick who got really, really pissed, and said some really really dick things. I am not usually like that, and certainly never to women.” Ben ran a weary hand through his hair, mussing it and causing it to stick up in places.  Shelby could see just enough out of the corner of her eye, but she dared not look at him.  He was way too hot to stare at dead-on.  And now he was here apologizing...

“Then why?” Shelby blurted out. She immediately regretted her words, cursing herself for her impulsivity. 

 _“Why?”_ Ben repeated. “Fuck if I know. I just got out of a horrible relationship.  I was jet-lagged. I was stuck in an unfamiliar location. The heat and humidity got to me," he rattled off excuse after excuse.  "I’d not had a drink in a while. I truly have no idea, but I’ll stand here all night,  and tell you what you want to hear, if that will help you forgive me.” He turned to her, his eyes glinting in the soft moonlight.  Shelby dared a furtive glance at him, but quickly looked away. He was doing that thing again, that thing where he made her feel all light-headed and unsteady.

_She didn't like it.  She was going to convince herself she didn't like it, if it was the last thing she ever did.  She didn't like it, and she didn't like him._

“I think I’m gonna leave,” she mumbled as she wrapped her jacket tighter around her shoulders.  It didn't feel safe out here with him.  Something about him set her nerves on edge, made her second-guess herself, made her notice crazy things...like how good he smelled.   It took all her intestinal fortitude to not inhale deeply, to savor the scent of him as he stood so close.  

“I really wish you wouldn’t,” Ben’s voice was soft. Almost pleading as it broke into her thoughts.  

“You’re a bastard.” Shelby muttered. She wouldn't look at him. _Couldn't._

“I do believe that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

Shelby burst out laughing, unable to help herself. “God, you are so stupid!  Seriously!”

“Have dinner with me?” Ben leaned over the railing, half his mouth lifted in a grin of his own.  He was persistent. 

“I hate you. Why would I want to have dinner with someone I hate?”

“You’d seriously leave a poor Englishman like me alone to fend for himself?” Ben placed a hand over his heart. “I’m shocked. Truly.”

“You’re full of shit, that’s what you are.” Shelby couldn’t hide the grin in her voice.

“Coming out my ears. Have dinner with me.” Ben reached over and casually tucked Shelby’s hair back underneath the mask band. _“Please.”_

Shelby shivered at his touch, the feel of his fingertips brushing against the skin behind her ear sending tingling sensations throughout her body.   _Again, what the hell was wrong with her??_

“Please.” Ben’s voice had dropped down, dangerously seductive and incredibly persuasive as he asked again; Shelby felt her resolve weakening. She was just about to speak when the door opened, and Jacob’s intimidating figure blocked the light from inside.

“Shelly? You alright?” His voice was directed at Shelby, but the tone — _the warning_ — was clearly aimed straight at Ben. Shelby stood up straight, clearing her throat uncomfortably.

“Uh, yeah. I’m good. Ben was just apologizing, actually.” She turned around, a smile plastered on her face as she faced her cousin.  

“And although Shelby told me I was full of shit, and a bastard, she agreed to go to dinner with me.”

Shelby’s mouth dropped open at his audacity.

“Dinner?” Jacob asked as he looked between the two of them.

“Unbelievable, isn’t it?” Ben crossed his arms over his chest. Shelby turned to look at him, and he winked, the grin still in place.

Shelby felt her insides go all gooey again, and she hastily looked away.

“Shelly?” Jacob asked again.

“Uhm, yeah. I said yes, that I’d go to dinner with him.” Shelby’s voice was higher-pitched than normal, and she did her best to try to remain calm.

_What the fuck had she just gotten herself into??_

 

  


	6. Chapter 6

“Are you sure this was a good idea?” Jacob’s voice boomed through the room from the phone's speaker. “Ya know, you coulda just said no.”

 _He was right_ , Shelby mused. Her insecurities were getting the better of her as she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She was squishy and she had stretch marks, and was chubby in weird places. That man couldn’t possibly find anything attractive about her, right?

“Shelby?”

“I’m here!” Shelby hollered back. “Sorry, I was in the bathroom.” She tossed another shirt over her head, displeased with it just as much as the previous two.

“And?” Jacob pestered her. “Why on earth would you agree to go out with him? He’s totally not your type anyways…”

Shelby’s lips flattened as she stared back at herself in the mirror. _Not her type?_ Why? Because he was attractive and famous, and she was none of the above? She felt that familiar urge begin to creep up her spine, the gnawing feeling of being too full, and she —

“Shelby LeBlanc! Are you listening to me?” Jacob’s voice was even louder than before.

Shelby dropped down on the edge of her small bed, her shoulders slumped in defeat as she picked up the phone and turned off the speaker. It took everything in her to not run to the bathroom and do what seemed to come so naturally to her. She knew she just needed to wait it out, to let it pass, and then she’d be alright. Still, Jacob’s words — _and her own insecurity_ — had her thinking twice about going anywhere with Ben.

“You’re right, Jake,” she mumbled into the receiver. “He’s totally not my type.”

“Wait, Shelby, that’s not what I meant and you know it!”

“No, no, it’s okay, really,” Shelby continued. “I think I’ll just text him never mind, that way he doesn’t waste a trip over here.”

“Shelby! Listen to me,” Jacob ordered. “Don’t do that, okay? Go out with him, see what he’s about. You need to get out of the house, okay? I didn’t mean what you think I meant, so don’t read into it, okay?”

“What if he really doesn’t like me though, Jacob?” Shelby whispered, her voice as defeated as the rest of her.

“Then he’s an idiot,” Jacob easily countered. “If he can’t see how beautiful you are, then he can fuck off. And besides, why would he ask you out if he didn’t like you?”

Shelby chuckled at her cousin’s colorful language. 

“He asked me out, out of guilt, remember?” Shelby nibbled on a fingernail. 

“Whatever. No one forced his hand. And seriously, if he can’t see that - not to mention how smart and funny you are —then he’s a blind idiot, and not worth your time.”

“Hmmm,” Shelby muttered, still not convinced.

“So go get dressed. When’s he supposed to be there?”

“In about 30 minutes,” Shelby panicked as she looked at the time. “I really think I need to just call or text him, and—”

“Just go, Shelby!” Jacob cut her off again. “Go have fun. Make him pay for dinner. If he’s an asshole again, call me, and Leon and I will handle it. I’m sure Mike would come if need be. Lennie chewed his ass out over it.”

Shelby rolled her eyes as she thought of the trio of idiots going after Ben, and how ridiculous that would be…

“Are you getting dressed?”

“No, I’m talking with you. Duh.”

“Okay I’m hanging up so you can get ready, okay? Text me when you’re at the place, and when you get home so I know you’re safe.” Jacob always had this way of making her feel like he was another father figure to her, and when he got like this, she didn’t know if she liked it or hated it.

“Okay. Bye, Jake,” Shelby dropped her phone on the bed after Jacob ended the call, and walked back to her closet.

She had to find something to wear, because Ben was coming.

* * *

 

**38 minutes later…..**

_**Ding dong**_ ….the doorbell rang again, and Shelby gave herself one last look-over. She’d settled on a pair of black skinny jeans, some black booties, and a shimmery, olive tee, over which she would wear a black thigh length cardigan. A long necklace and matching earrings completed the outfit. She hoped. She'd debated on taking out her nose piercing, but had finally decided to just leave it in lest the hole try to close up again. The damn thing could be so fickle, and she was not going through that pain again. She’d done everything she could to contain her wild hair, had flat-ironed it as best as she could, but ultimately conceded to putting it in a messy bun. You just couldn’t win in this humidity and with this kind of hair.

_The door bell chimed again…_

Shelby shoved the earring in the hole in her lobe, frantically wiggling her foot into her left bootie as she made her way to the door. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she stopped before it, smoothing her hair back once more in anticipation of seeing him again, and opened the door. He was stood there, one hand in his jean pocket, and a half-smile on his face as his eyes met Shelby’s.

“Sorry I’m late. I had some trouble finding your apartment, and service is spotty here with my carrier, and….Wow. You look really lovely, Shelby,” Ben remarked as his eyes swept her from head to toe. Shelby flushed under his gaze, warring with her insecurities as always.

"I’m not underdressed, am I? You said Milano, and I’ve never been there, but Lennie said it was kinda fancy, and I don’t do fancy that much, so I tried to dress the way I thought I should, but I can go and change if—”

Ben stepped forward and pressed two of his fingers against Shelby’s mouth, effectively shushing her as his smile stretched across his face. “You look fantastic, sweetheart. Nothing to change. Okay?” He removed his hand, and placed it in his other pocket. His smile was still in place, his eyes crinkled at the corner as he looked down at her.

“Okay,” Shelby agreed, trying to recover from the feeling of his fingers against her mouth.

Still questioning her level of dress, she shyly glanced at his attire. He was casually dressed, dark jeans, some kind of casual boots, and a dark, blue sweater that only seemed to make his eyes more vivid. Shelby quickly looked away, not wanting to be caught staring. She walked over and grabbed her small purse, shoving her phone in as she pulled it on over her shoulder. Ben waited at the door for her as she locked up. The smile was still there as he held out a hand to her.

“Shall we?”

“Uhm, yeah. Okay.” Shelby mumbled as she placed her hand in his and allowed him to lead her to what she assumed was his rental car. He helped her in, closed the door, and then walked around to his side and climbed in. No one had ever done that for her, opening the door and all. It was disconcerting.

“So. Just a little forewarning. Where I come from, the steering wheel is on the other side.” Ben gave Shelby a look from the corner of his eye as he fastened his belt. “So, buckle up, sweetheart.”

“Should I drive?” Shelby frowned as she buckled.

“Nonsense,” Ben scoffed. “My main issue is the damn indicators being all in the wrong place, but other than that, we should be fine.”

“Indicators?” Shelby questioned, brows drawn together in confusion. 

“The light thing for when you go left or right?” Ben wiggled fingers at the dash. 

“Oh. You mean blinkers?” Shelby did her best to hide her giggle, but was unsuccessful. Ben’s mouth flattened into feigned annoyance, but the humorous glint was still in his eyes, belying any annoyance.

“Glad I can provide the comedic relief this evening,” Ben muttered with sarcastic humor as he turned the car on, and backed out of the parking spot.

Once turned around, they headed down the small road that led to the highway going towards Houma. Shelby sat quietly, her nerves still getting the best of her, and even though the evening had started off with humor, she was so unsettled.

“Feel free to put on the radio, or the heat, or whatever you need,” Ben said as he concentrated on the road. “I do hope I’m going the right way.”

"Houma, right?” Shelby asked, and Ben _“m-hmm’ed”_ in agreement. “Yeah, it’s this way. We just follow the highway all the way into town, and then we’ll have to follow GPS, since I’ve never been there.”

She went back to sitting quietly, her eyes trained on the road ahead as she tried not to breathe too loud. She desperately wanted to turn the radio on for noise, but now it felt like it was too late, and she didn’t want to draw attention to herself, and—

“Shelby?”

“Yes?” she squeaked out at hearing her name, startling just a little in her seat.

“Relax, please,” Ben gently ordered, his eyes still focused on the road.

At his words, Shelby swallowed down her fear, and reached over, turning on the radio, and was immediately glad she had done so. Audioslave filled the small rental car, and Shelby relaxed a bit at hearing the sound of Chris Cornell’s hauntingly beautiful voice.

From his seat, Ben nodded in approval, and smiled. “Good choice.”

And in spite of herself, Shelby caught herself smiling back….


	7. Chapter 7

They arrived at _Milano_ some 45 minutes later, and only because Ben missed the turn a few times, due to — _as he said_ —“the ridiculous placement of the indicators on American cars!”

Shelby had done her best to not make the situation worse, but couldn’t hold in the laughter more times than not. Ben good-naturedly took it all in stride, only arching an eyebrow every now and then at her. Now they were seated back in the far corner, tucked away from prying eyes. There would most likely not be very many in Houma, Louisiana, who would know Benedict Cumberbatch, but he wasn’t taking any chances, and had reserved the seat under a psuedo-name.

“So, Robert Brown, huh?” Shelby quipped as she pursued the menu before her. “Not very imaginative, are you?”

“I do my best,” Ben quipped back. He grinned at her over the menu, his colorful eyes glinting with amusement. “So, do you regret coming out with me yet?”

“Well, you almost got us killed a few times, but other than that, I think things are okay.” Shelby peaked over her menu at him. She was wavering between being at ease with him, and simultaneously wanting to run out the door and go home. _“For now.”_

 _“For now,”_ Ben repeated with a smile.

Before he could speak again, the waiter came by, and took their drinks. Shelby had immediately ordered a water, but Ben had ordered them some kind of very expensive wine that she’d, for one, never heard of, and two, that she’d never be able to afford in her wildest dreams. But he’d insisted, and the waiter had agreed that it was a great choice, and so here they were, now drinking some very good, very sweet, —and very expensive —white, bubbly wine.

“So?” Ben nodded towards her glass. “Do you like it?”

“It’s okay. Don’t think I’d pay that much for a glass of wine, though,” Shelby answered honestly. She set her glass down, nervous now that the waiter was gone, leaving them in relative silence. Should she put her elbows on the table? In her lap? Wasn’t she supposed to fold the napkin somewhere, across her thighs? She wondered if she was supposed to—

“You’re doing that thing again,” Ben mused as he picked up his glass and took another drink.

“That thing?” Shelby’s cheeks heated as she blushed.

“That thing where you get all nervous and ridiculously adorable.” Ben set his glass down, propped his elbows the table, and leaned forward. “It really is adorable, but you don’t have to be nervous around me.”

“Who says I’m nervous?” Shelby shot back with a false bravado that she really didn't have. She would just ignore him calling her adorable. Ben chuckled as he leaned back in his chair, one long arm still draped over the table, fingers strumming idly as he watched her. 

“Well, are you?” He asked.

“A little, yes,” Shelby painfully admitted as she wrung her hands in her lap beneath the table cloth.

“Why?” Ben was staring at her, his colorful eyes intent as they regarded her.

“Our first meeting wasn’t so great, remember?” Shelby’s lips flattened in distaste as she recalled the meeting back at the bar.

She hated still working there, and felt like she was on a one-way trip to nowhere the longer she was employed there. Unfortunately, it was the only place that would hire someone like herself, with the past she had. Disgust rose in her belly, the anxious feelings began gnawing at her again. Everything about this “date” suddenly seemed very, very wrong — the way she met Ben, the way he’d treated her, the way she’d grown up. He was a famous movie star, and she was nothing more than a bar waitress with no education and lots of mental health and addiction issues. She had no place hanging out with a man like him, and certainly not in a place like this.  She'd give herself an "A" for effort in even coming out with him, but ultimately those demons would always win. They always did. 

“And you’re doing it again,” Ben leaned forward, his voice a conspiratorial whisper. “Penny for your thoughts?”

“Why did you bring me here?” Shelby bluntly asked. Ben leaned back, brows slightly raised in confusion.

“Uhmm…because there was nothing but Waffle House and burgers in Morgan City, and I thought that maybe you’d like it here? And Lennie recommended it very highly.”

Shelby humphed in annoyance, clearly not accepting his explanation.

“Why _do you think_ I brought you here?” Ben asked.

“I have absolutely no idea.” Shelby refused to look at him, instead focused on a potted flower in the corner of the dimly lit room.

“Surely you must, if you’re continuing to have such a reaction.” He leaned forward again, arms propped up on the table. “What’s going on, Shelby? Is it me you can’t stand? This place? The food? Talk to me.”

“We have nothing in common,” she whispered out loud, more to herself than him. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“How do you know we have nothing in common?” Ben argued. “You barely spoke a word on the way over.”

“How old are you?” She asked him, finally looking at him. He looked way more serious now than before. All humor was gone, his lips pursed, and a part of her immediately felt regret at the self-sabotaging way that she had of ruining everything in her life.  But, like everything else, she found she couldn't stop, and so she continued. 

“42. You?”

“About to turn 27.”

“Shit.” Ben grabbed his glass and took another drink.

“Exactly.”

“Nonsense,” Ben disagreed. “Lots of people have differences in age and get along just fine. Next?”

“How long are you in Louisiana?”

“As long as I want to be. Taking a bit of a break, if you will,” Ben’s voice had dropped, and Shelby could hear the bitterness underneath his words. 

“Why a break?” Shelby continued her query.

“It’s a long story.” Ben’s eyes flashed angrily, his annoyance rising at her interrogation of him. 

Just then the waiter returned, and brought with him more wine. Shelby pointedly declined. Ben glowered at her, and before she knew what happened, had taken the liberty of ordering for her. Now it was Shelby’s turn to glare at him.

“Why would you do that?”

“Because you’re being a brat, and I didn’t want the waiter to have to endure that,” Ben answered, his tone clipped. Shelby narrowed her gaze, scowling at him, and his patronizing tone.

“I’m being a brat?! Really! This was a mistake.” Shelby grabbed her cell and began scrolling through Facebook, anything to get her mind of the man sat across from her. _Assholes never changed._

“Well, too bad. You’re here with me now, and I’ve just ordered, and we need to eat. Then we can go home, I can take you back, and we can agree that I’ve done my due diligence in making amends for my previous behavior.” Ben jerked the cloth napkin off the table and shoved it towards his lap, clearly annoyed. The two sat in stony silence until the waiter returned with the food, some 15 minutes later. Both had spent the time scrolling though their phones, doing anything they could to avoid each other.

“Will there be anything else, sir?” The waiter asked Ben before turning to Shelby. “Ma’am?”

“No that’s all, thank you,” Ben answered for them both, earning a gasp from Shelby.

“No, I’m sorry, that’s not all. Can I get this in a to-go box, please?” Shelby sweetly smiled up at the waiter, ignoring Ben’s heated stare as she pushed her plate back towards the staff.

The poor man looked between her and Ben, his eyes a little wider as he tried to determine how best to proceed. Ben dropped his napkin on the table, and looked up at the man and held up two fingers.

“Two boxes, please. I fear we’ve both lost our appetite.” Ben looked back over at Shelby, his brow raised in challenge, and waited. She simply glared back. The waiter did his best to quickly scoop the freshly-made and still-hot food into containers. Meanwhile, Ben slid his credit card towards the man, his brow still raised as he dared Shelby to try and pick up the bill. The waiter discreetly took the card, and scurried away.

“Well this was a wonderful night, indeed,” Ben grumbled as he placed his napkin back on the table. "All that time and money and drive to spend a few minutes at a table. Fucking ridiculous."

 Shelby remained mulishly silent, and continued playing on her phone. She could hear Ben sighing in annoyance, but had nothing to say. She really just wanted the night to be over, and for her to be back home, and for Ben to be away from her. Like forever away from her...

The waiter finally returned and Ben finished up with the bill, and before long, they were back in Ben’s rental car, and headed back home. The tension stretched between the two, filling up the small space and nearly suffocating Shelby. She was pressed as far to her door as possible, doing everything she could to make herself small and invisible, and hoped that Ben would just leave her be.

_No such luck…_

“Can you please tell me what went wrong?” Ben’s deep voice filled the silence. He looked over at her briefly before turning his eyes back on the road. “Shelby? Please?”

“I really just want to go home, okay?” Shelby whispered. The _"please"_ nearly broke her down again, his voice almost pleading.

 She couldn’t take him being nice to her; it made her feel really sad.  It made her really sad, and it hurt to think about her never having things that she so desperately wanted, and would surely never have in her life.  A life like the one Jacob and Ellie had, that Michael and Lennie had...she'd never have that with the way she was going.  She much preferred him being the asshole that she knew he was capable of.  Assholes she was used to, had so much experience with and could handle now. Ben had no idea what kind of horrible person she was, and she didn’t have near enough time to explain it to him. And honestly, she didn't think he'd care to hear about it, so why bother?  She leaned her head against the seatbelt strap and stared out at the passing lights. She did her best to not let those frustrated tears overflow as they were threatening to do so. She bit her lower lip, and tried to sniffle as quietly as possible. 

“Shelby, listen. I’m taking you there, but we’ve got at least 30 minutes to sit in this car together, so we might as well talk about something. Can you just tell me what I did that upset you so?” Ben looked over, saw that she was very upset, and most likely silently crying, and inwardly cursed himself for being such a dolt.

Shelby, on the other hand, was doing her best to not let him see her cry, was blinking as fast as humanly possible, and had turned her head as far to the side as she could in order to avoid him. When she heard him wearily sigh, she knew that he knew she was crying. She felt shame wash anew over her.  She was such a colossal fuck-up. He must think she was completely nuts, to break down like this on what was really not even a date, but more of just dinner.   _What the fuck was wrong with her?_ Shelby wondered to herself. 

“Alright. I’ll leave you alone, sweetheart. I'm sorry. For whatever happened tonight, and those years ago, and for all of it,” Ben said quietly, his voice heavy with regret. “I’m sorry, I really am. It was not my intention to upset you tonight, and for that, I am truly sorry.”

And with that last sentence, he reached over and turned the radio back on, giving them both the out they so desperately needed.

 

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for eating disorders and purging....

They arrived at Shelby’s apartment less than 30 minutes later, with Ben being more confident on the way back. Before he'd even parked, though, Shelby had jumped out and run up to her door. She fumbled with the keys, her blurry eyes blinding her, but finally got it open and stumbled in. She was just about to close the door when she felt Ben come in behind her, his strong arms coming around her as she finally broke down. It was literally like the dam had burst, all the pent up frustration and worry, all the self-doubt and self-hate, all came out as Shelby clutched Ben’s waist. She didn't care any longer, and allowed him to walk her over to her couch and set them both down.

“Shhh,” Ben whispered against her hair. “It’s alright, sweetheart.” Ben shifted so that he could lean back, and pulled Shelby back with him, forcing her to lean into him and relax.

Shelby trembled against him, the warring sensations of being unsafe — _and completely safe_ —nearly overwhelming her. Eventually she relaxed, and allowed Ben to maneuver her how best he saw fit, and before long, she was nearly propped up in his lap, his arms still wrapped around her, holding her tight. After some time, Shelby finally quieted, her crying turning into small hiccups and sniffles, before finally stopping altogether.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered against his chest. She could feel the wetness on his sweater, the spot where the majority of her tears had fallen, and she felt shame wash over her.

“Nonsense. This is what friends are for, right?” Ben soothingly rubbed his hand up and down her back.

“But we're not friends,” Shelby countered, sounding so very weak.

“You really are such a brat, do you know that?” Ben’s deep chuckle rumbled through his chest and reverberated against Shelby’s cheek, ticking her skin. Despite her sadness, she felt herself smile a bit. Ben was a likable guy in so many ways.

“Shelby, darling, look at me, okay?” Ben gently ordered as he pulled her back so that he could see her face.

Smiling, he pushed some hair back off her forehead, and gently cupped her cheeks in his large hands as he stared at her. Her face was all red and puffy, her beautiful grey eyes rimmed in red, her mascara running rivulets down her cheeks. _God, she was a beautiful creature,_ Ben thought to himself.

Shelby hesitantly reached up and placed one small hand over his, her upper teeth coming down to bite on her lower lip, and that was Ben’s undoing. Before he knew what was happening, he’d leaned up and pressed his lips to hers. She tasted of sweet wine and salty tears, and he couldn’t get enough. He was like a man on fire, his hands sliding down to caress her lower back as he pulled her against him.

Shelby didn't know what to do. Her body betrayed her, even as her mind screamed to stop. Ben was an formidable attack on her senses, the smell of him, the taste of him as he kissed her. It was overwhelming, and foreign, the feelings she’d assumed she'd long-forgotten, and she had no idea what to do, and so she let him pull her onto his lap, his hands roaming all over her back so that he could bring her in closer to his body. Acting on instinct alone, she straddled him, her thighs tightly gripping his as she settled over his crotch, her fingers quickly tangling themselves in his crazy hair as she kissed him back.

“Fucking hell, Shelby,” Ben grunted as he pulled his lips away from hers, his mind reeling and senses assaulted by this shy, quiet girl on his lap. He felt her press herself against him _down there_ , and it was too much, too soon. He stared up at her, his mouth agape and pupils blown wide. Both were breathing heavy, their bodies still pressed so tightly together as they struggled to find some sort of balance between what they each wanted and what they each knew they couldn’t have. Shelby saw — _what she assumed was_ — conflict in his eyes, and just like that, the fire was extinguished, and her body ran chillingly cold as the realization hit her head on. She frantically pushed herself off Ben’s lap and scurried away from him, holding one shaky hand out in front of her as if to shield herself from him.

Ben, for his part, was completely dumbfounded at this most recent turn of events, and stood, steadying himself for a just a moment before moving towards Shelby. Now, she held up the other hand, halting him in his tracks.

“Please don’t, okay? Just…just go away, please.” Shelby scooted back further until her back came to rest at the doorjamb to the kitchen, hands still held up as if to protect herself. 

“Shelby, if you’ll just listen to me—” Ben attempted, taking another unsteady step forward.

“No!” Shelby cried out, halting him again. “Please, please just go okay? I need you to leave. Please.”

Ben took another hesitant step forward, only to stop once more when he realized how upset she was. 

Shelby was stood there, her entire body trembling, the whites of her eyes a stark contrast to the rest of her face. _What the in the bloody hell was wrong with her?_   Ben racked his brain, trying to determine what kind of colossal mistake he might have made to elicit such a response.  She looked downright terrified, and for the life of him, he couldn’t fathom why. He knew he could come on strong, but he’d been nothing but gentleman-like around Shelby. She was behaving as if he were going to force her against her will, and to be quite honest, it was grating on his nerves. The mistakes — _that mistake_ — he’d made all those years ago was just that — a mistake, and one he didn’t make very often. If ever. He prided himself on being a gentleman, and was told he was likable guy, and he honestly couldn’t remember ever having put off a woman, least not in the way Shelby was behaving. Frustrated and confused,  he ran a hand through his hair with a resigned sigh. He checked his pockets for his keys, making sure they were there along with his mobile, and without another word, made his way back to the door. He opened the door and stopped, his hand on the knob as he stared out over the front yard and toward his car. He could feel her watching him, — _warily, he assumed_ —and it made the hair stand up on the back of his neck to have someone be so scared of him. 

“I never meant to hurt you, Shelby.” He let out a huge sigh, still not looking at her. “I’m sorry dinner was a mess, and I’m sorry for...whatever… this is…but it was not my intention.” His shoulders dropped as, unable to help himself,  he turned around. His brows rose just a bit as he saw Shelby was gone, disappeared from her spot by the door. Not wanting to bother her further, he let himself out, locking the door behind him, and made his way to his car.

* * *

 

Inside the bathroom, Shelby was throwing up. Tears streamed down her face as she forced herself to purge what little contents she had in her stomach. Once she was done, she collapsed alongside the toilet, her head throbbing and throat burning in that terribly familiar way.  She lay back on her back, thankful for the coolness of the tiled floor, and stared up at the ceiling with guilt and shame. That was two times now that she’d thrown up after being in contact with Ben.

Twice.

A part of her hated him for making her feel the things she did, for feeling so insecure around him. For making her feel unsure, when she'd fought so long to feel confident.  For making her second-guess herself, to question her motives. For questioning his motives. For making her feel the need to purge. For reminding her of all the things she wasn’t, of all the things she couldn’t have.

The other part of her, though, perhaps the still-naive, part, longed for his touch. Desperately wanted for him to make her feel alive again, to make her feel wanted the way he had a few moments ago. She had felt the evidence of his desire pressed so intimately against her. Surely that meant something, correct? He'd called her adorable, and said the she was cute when she was nervous. _Was he lying?_ she questioned herself. Experience would say the answer was yes, that that’s what men — _boys_ — did when they wanted something from a girl. Told girls what they wanted — _or needed_ — to hear, and then took what they wanted when it wasn't willingly given.

But what about Jacob? Shelby couldn’t see her cousin behave that way with Ellie. He worshipped the ground that woman walked on. And Michael and Lennie? They were sickeningly sweet.

Surely there were some good guys in this world, right?

 

    


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is some sickeningly sweet junk here. Mind the cavities, y'all...

“So, you’re sure you had absolutely nothing to do with getting her upset?” Michael asked again.

Ben focused his annoyed glare back on his friend, and wondered why in the ever-loving hell he was still in Louisiana when he had about nine-hundred and ninety-nine other places he would much rather be. But no, here he was sat, his ass firmly planted in a chair on the back of Micheal and Lennie’s patio, his third beer in his hand. His third disgusting beer. And to top it off, Michael was grilling him.

“Jesus, this is some awful shit!” Ben grimaced as he stared at the beer in his hand. “What is this?”

“It’s Abita. Lennie’s favorite,” Michael replied with a bit of a smirk.

“She can’t even drink right now! Why not get what you want? A good Guinness, some Jameson even.” Ben grimaced again. “Hell, I’d even settle for some wine right about now. Anything but this shit.”

“Enough about the drinks!” Michael grumbled with his own annoyance. “What happened with Shelby?”

Ben sarcastically tapped his temple with his forefinger, pretending to try and recall the last night's events. “Hmm, what happened. So, I made arrangements for this place — _a very expensive place, might I add_ — and on the recommendation of your girlfriend”—

“Fiance,” Michael corrected him, eyes narrowed.

“Very well — _courtesy of your fiancé_ — we went, and things were going good — or so I thought — and then they weren’t, and she said we had nothing in common, and wanted to know why I had brought her out to dinner in the first place, and then basically insinuated that I was old. Then, when the food finally arrived, she turned her nose up at it, and acted like a huge child, and we had to take it to go.” Ben shook his head in annoyance as he recounted the previous evening’s shenanigans.

“So, I drove her back to her home after wasting all this time, and then she had some kind of nervous breakdown, and she was crying, and I held her on the couch, and then I kissed her, and she kissed me back, and then she freaked out again and kicked me out.” With the story finally told, Ben stood up, finished his third beer, and headed over to the cooler to grab another one of the disgusting drinks. Maybe if he continued drinking, he’d get pissed, and it wouldn’t taste so bad.

When he turned back around, Michael was sat there, his blue eyes wide, one hand covering his mouth.

“What?” Ben pointedly asked.

“Are you fucking insane? You kissed her?” Michael was incredulous, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Well, she kissed me back,” Ben retorted as he sat down again.

“You do realize that she’s related to Jacob- _fucking_ -LeBlanc, and he sees her as a sister, and now you’ve gone and kissed her.” Michael shook his head in amazed disbelief. “Just when I think you couldn’t get any more dumb, you go and do this. You are mad, no question about it.”

“You’re an idiot,” Ben shot back. _Who was Michael to judge him?_ The damn arsehole had no idea what that girl had put him though last night. Even now, just thinking about the way she felt on his lap had his groin stirring uncomfortably, his shirt feeling a little too tight around his neck. Damn her. He couldn’t get her out of his head.

“You know, I really think—”

“Michael!” Lennie yelled from down the hall, forcing Michael to leap from his chair mid-sentence, and go running inside.

Ben sat there, watching the water from his seat, his mind turning back to grey eyes and dark hair, of the sweet taste of a very expensive wine on the most perfect set of lips he'd ever kissed.

“She did kiss me back,” he muttered to no one but himself.

"Ben!” Michael rushed outside, his face franctic. “Lennie’s having the baby. We have to go to the hospital. Can you please bring Cooper? He’s asleep, and he’ll probably be too overwhelmed, and—”

“I’ll take care of it,” Ben smiled at his friend as he stood. “Don’t worry, okay?” He clapped Michael on the shoulder, trying to calm him down. He’d never seen Fassbender so out of sorts.

“Michael!!” Lennie yelled again from somewhere inside.

“You sure about this?” Michael asked, his eyes trained on Lennie inside. 

“Go. We’ll be right along, just as soon as the boy wakes, okay? Just text me the address, and we’ll be there.” Ben smiled at his friend.

“Okay thank you so much!” Michael uncharacteristically enveloped Ben into a non-alcohol-induced hug, shocking him. Ben patted his back, unsure of what to really do in a situation like this.

“Go on, mate. Take care of your family.” Ben patted Michael’s back in encouragement once more. He followed Michael inside, smiling as he watched his friend and fiance.

“Ben, you’re not drunk, right?” Lennie asked from where she was leaned against the kitchen counter, doing her best to work her way through another contraction.

“That shit won’t get me drunk, try as I might,” Ben winked at her. “Go on you two. Have your baby. Cooper and I will be on our way shortly.”

“I have some instructions for Cooper, and the address to the hospital over here on the countertop, okay?” Lennie gritted out from between clenched teeth. “Michael!”

“Right here, darling!” Michael called as he came back into the living area, two small overnight bags in his hands.

A few moments later, Ben closed and locked the door behind them, and turned around, only to find a tiny little Fassbender staring up at him.

“Are Mommy and Daddy going to get my brother?” Cooper asked, the ever-present Rocket the Raccoon clutched tightly against his chest. With a smile, Ben knelt down and ruffled the boy’s hair. From the hair to the freckles, he was the spitting image of Michael. It was uncanny, really.

“They sure are! And I am so glad you are awake, because now you can keep me company when we get to the hospital.”

“The hospital?:” Cooper asked, his little brows drawn together with curiosity, and maybe a little fear. 

“It’s where we go to get babies,” Ben grinned at the boy before standing up. “So, we should probably get you ready, right?” Ben asked, hoping that Cooper would cooperate. But, before he could say another word, the boy had run off, the sound of little feet loud against the hardwood floor.

“Hold on, Ben!” Cooper yelled as he disappeared down the hallway in to what Ben assumed was his bedroom. Ben followed, wanting to keep an eye on the boy. Just before he got to the room, the boy returned.

“Ben! Is this you?” Cooper jumped up and down excitedly, doing his best to show Ben what he had in his hand. Despite himself, Ben smiled when he saw what the boy had in his little hands.

“Now where on earth did you get that?” Ben asked as he knelt down on one knee, his voice tinged with exaggerated wonder for Cooper’s sake.

“Mommy took me to the Walmart and I got to pick out what I wanted, and I wanted Dr. Strange and Ironman. And Daddy said you’re Dr. Stephen Strange. Is that right, Ben?” Cooper leaned forward, his eyes wide as he whispered in that loud, non-whispery kid voice, “ Are you really a wizard?”

Ben leaned in close himself, and whispered back, “Indeed, I am.”

Cooper’s eyes got even wider, his little mouth falling open as he gasped with excitement. “I hafta tell Noncky Jacob that I know a real wizard!” Cooper squealed as he ran off to his room again, this time with Ben following. The boy was jumping up and down on his bed, Rocket long forgotten as he twirled the mini-version of Dr. Strange about his head. Ben couldn’t help but laugh.

“Alright, Cooper, we have to get ready, okay?” Ben placed his hands on his hips as he looked around. “What clothes should you wear?”

And just as before, before anything could get accomplished, or even started, Cooper had zipped out of the room again, Dr. Strange soaring through the air with him...

 

  


	10. Chapter 10

Ben was finally able to wrangle Cooper up, and the pair headed off to the hospital about an hour later. They’d stopped along the way to get some snacks, and unfortunately for Ben, he’d been recognized by a few girls at the convenience store. At first, Ben had steadfastlydenied that he had anything to do with the movies, or Hollywood, and had no idea who Dr. Strange, or Benedict Cumberbatch — _because what kind of name was that even?_ — but then Cooper, bless his little heart, had blown his cover by explaining that Ben was his, in fact, his “ _Nuncle Ben_ ”.

_* Cooper’s struggle with pronouncing uncle and the Cajun word for uncle —Nonc —was laughable at best , and more times than not, he just ran the two together, ending up with his most recent combination. *_

Cooper then proceeded to explain that his "Nuncle Ben" was also, in fact a wizard, and Dr. Strange. After being outed, Ben had reluctantly done the whole picture and autograph thing, but made it out of the store and back to his car just as soon as he possibly could.

“Hey Cooper?” Ben eyed the boy through the rearview mirror.The boy looked up at Ben from his carseat in the back of the small car.

“Let’s keep my wizardry a secret, okay? At least for a while longer.” Ben winked at Cooper. “What do you say? Just a secret between us guys?”

“Okay,” Cooper shrugged his little shoulders, his attention back on the set of _Hot Wheels_ that Ben had caved into and bought at the store for him.

* * *

They arrived at the hospital a little later, and Ben had the forethought to wear his glasses and hat this time, in an effort to at least hide as much as possible. He stopped at the information desk, and was directed up to Labor and Delivery, and bless the nurses and staff, but none seemed to recognize him. Or at least they pretended not to. The last thing he needed was a rumor that he was heading to Labor and Delivery! _The paps would have a field day with that shit,_ he thought bitterly. Luckily though, it was later in the evening, and most everyone that was non-essential had seemed to have gone home. Once he and the boy arrived at the correct floor, he was met by Jacob at the front desk of the delivery hall. Cooper excitedly ran to his uncle, leaping up into his arms as he forgot all about Ben.

“Noncky!” Cooper yelled with delight as Jacob swung him up into a big hug. 

“What’s up, bud?” Jacob grinned as he kissed his nephew on his head. “How you been?”

“Noncky Jake! Did you know that Nuncle Ben is Dr. Strange?” Cooper’s eyes had grown wide again as he loudly whispered that to his uncle. Jacob looked over Cooper’s head, nodding in welcome to Ben.

Ben just shrugged his shoulders in defeat.  If Cooper kept that up, the whole damn floor would know that he was here. Bloody hell. 

“I did not! That’s amazing, huh?” Jacob said. “Let’s go see your mama, okay?” With a jerk of his head, Jacob motioned for Ben to follow, and soon enough they were in Lennie’s room. 

According to Jacob, Michael and Ellie were both there in the hospital somewhere, but not in the room. Currently, Lennie was alone, propped up in the bed, hooked up to all sorts of monitors and wires. Cooper stayed with Jacob, maybe a little unsure of everything going on, while Ben made his way over to Lennie.

“How are you, darling?” Ben asked as he leaned down and kissed her on the forehead. Lennie had quickly become one of his dearest friends, much to Michael’s dismay. They simply had so much more interests that they shared, from books to movies to music, and so on. Ben delighted in the fact that it chapped Michael’s ass to no end.

"I’m okay,” Lennie lied. Ben frowned as he looked over at the monitors, watching as they went haywire. It seemed very erratic to him...

“Are you positive everything's okay? No worries, right?” He asked her, standing up to his full height, his brows drawn together in displeasure. “Where’s Mike? Shouldn't he be in here with you?” 

“Calm down, Benny. Michael went to sign some papers. And it’s fine, we're just having a baby,” Lennie grinned as she patted her belly. Ben grinned back at her, winking at their own inside joke. Another reason that Michael hated them together was the whole " _Benny and Lennie"_ thing – he couldn’t stand to hear Lennie call him that.He pulled up a nearby chair, and sat down by the bed, enveloping her free hand with his much larger one. He and Lennie were quietly talking while Jacob entertained Cooper, when the door finally opened again.

“Well, finally!” Michael grumbled as he walked back into the room. Cooper launched himself at his daddy, wrapping his little arms around Michael’s legs and promptly burst into tears.  

As Ben had assumed, Cooper had become upset with seeing his mother that way, and Michael had asked Jacob to take him out, to save everyone the headache. Lennie was righteously upset that she hand’t even spoken to her son, but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise, as it was not much longer that she was ready to have the baby.  As the doctor and nurses filled the room, Ben had taken his leave, and had gone down to the vending machine to find something to eat.  He was collecting his change when someone rounded the corner, and nearly ran him over...

“Shelby,” Ben breathed out, catching her by the shoulders just before she crashed into him.

“Uhmm, hi,” Shelby stammered, her cheeks turning redder each second she stood before Ben.  She quickly stepped back, nervously pulling her purse up and on her shoulder more securely.  Ben stepped back, shoving his free hand in his pocket as he regarded her.

“So I guess you’re here to see Lennie, then?” Shelby asked, her eyes darting up to his for just a mere moment before she hastily looked away. 

“I am,” Ben nodded.  “You as well?” 

_She was beautiful,_ he thought to himself.  _In spite of himself_ , actually; he couldn’t lie to himself and say he wasn’t still sorely pissed at her, but fucking hell was she gorgeous.  Her eyes, those damn grey eyes that he couldn’t get enough of, and would probably spend a great part of the day staring into if ever given the opportunity.  Her eyes, rimmed with some kind of dark, smudged makeup, her lips the most perfect pale pink he’d seen, her dark hair knotted up in a messy bun atop her head.  She was this weird enigma that he couldn’t quite put his finger on: _Was he mad at her?_   Hell yes.  _Did he truly want to fuck her senseless?_ All signs pointed to yes.  _Did he sort of wish to never see her again?_   He didn't have a clear answer for that question. _Did he want to beg her to let him take her out on a date and try to make amends, yet again?_ Absolutely. 

Throwing reasoning out, and caution, and anything Michael had warned him of, he made his mind up. He had to try again. 

“Shelby, look—”

“Please don’t, Ben. Okay?” Shelby cut him off, backing away just a bit further. 

“But why?” Undaunted and determined, Ben stepped forward, decreasing the space between them.  “You kissed me back, you know.” 

Shelby’s head dropped at that statement, her shoulders falling.  “I know, and I’m sorry, and I shouldn’t have done that.” 

Ben stepped even closer, backing her up against the wall so that the two of them were hidden in the small alcove where the vending machines were.  He placed one hand above her head, moving even more into her space.  “If I kissed you right now, you _would_ kiss me back.” 

“I wouldn’t,” Shelby continued looking down, not moving, her voice barely above a whisper. _Was she even breathing?_ she had no idea. She knew what was coming next, and she could run, and she could scream, but a part of her wanted it.  Wanted him. 

“Sweetheart, you absolutely would,” Ben murmured, a certain smugness in his tone. 

Feeling more confident than he ever had in his entire life, Ben reached down and tipped her chin up, forcing her to look up at him.  Her eyes met his, her mouth falling open with a small gasp, and Ben leaned down, not thinking about consequences, or that they were in a public place, or any damn thing else.  Christ almighty, it was better than before, the feeling of her lips pressed against his. He splayed his fingers out along her cheek, and nearly breathed out a huge sigh of relief when she reached her hand up, placing it as his waist, and kissed him back.  She didn’t hide, didn’t cower, didn’t kick him in the balls; no, she was kissing him back. In fact, she was tugging at him, pulling him closer, and he obliged, pressing his body up against hers as much as humanly possible, delighting in the fact that she wanted him just as much as he wanted her.  

"Ben..." Shelby breathed out against his lips, her eyes closed as she tugged him closer. 

“You are so beautiful,” he murmured, releasing her lips in favor of her ear lobe.  “Please let me take you out again. Let me make it up to you.”  He nipped at her ear lobe, smirking when he felt her shiver against him.  He could feel her pulse racing, could feel her trembling against him, could feel her—

“What the hell?”  The voice, heavily accented, and most certainly pissed off, dragged Ben out of the clouds and back down to Earth.  With an annoyed sigh, he released Shelby, scowling as he turned around and met Jacob LeBlanc’s angry gaze.  

 

  


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poem courtesy of Lang Leav...

“Shelby? What the hell?” Jacob asked again, his jaw set with anger, as another person arrived. 

_Just fucking wonderful,_ Ben thought to himself with an inward groan.  A fucking party. 

“Jake. What’s going—”  Ellie stopped mid-sentence, her eyes going wide as she took in the sight before her.  The new guy, Ben, was stood before Shelby, his face flushed as was hers, and it was very obvious what they had been doing.  Doing her best to hide her smirk, Ellie quickly grabbed a still-preoccupied Cooper, and silently led him away so that Jacob could say whatever he needed to say. She knew him, and she knew he wasn't going to take to kindly to someone like Ben — _especially after what had happened between them_ — taking up with his little cousin.  Jacob treated Shelby much the same as he did Lennie, and heaven help the man that stepped into that arena.   

“Jacob, please!" Shelby pushed away from Ben, while doing her best to ignore her cousin.  “Don’t start your shit!” With that final parting shot, Shelby pushed her way out and headed down the hall, disappearing somewhere in the maze that was the hospital.  Both men stared after her. 

“Now she speaks?” Ben grumbled, take aback by Shelby’s mercurial change in demeanor, as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration.  Why was she so….almost cowardly with him, and a damn spitfire with everyone else?  He couldn’t begin to understand this girl, not in a hundred lifetimes! 

“You took her out for dinner, that wasn't enough for you?” Jacob stepped closer, his jaw still ticking with the evidence of his annoyance.  

“Oh don’t start with me either, mate!” Ben glared back at the man.  “She is a grown woman, and can do as she pleases.” 

“Yes, and I’m a grown ass man, and I can do what I damn well please.” Jacob jammed a finger into Ben’s chest, forcing the much taller man back to the spot where he’d just held Shelby.  “If you hurt her, I’ll hurt you. Understand?” 

“Jesus fucking christ!”  Ben slapped Jacob’s hand away from him before moving out of the confined space.  “You’re all insane around here, you know that don’t you?”  Ben spat as he started walking away.  

He threw his hand up dismissively, and the last thing he heard was Jacob yelling after him , telling him he had no idea “ _how fucking insane he could really be”…_

* * *

 

For her part, Shelby was dumbfounded. She had initially hated this man, and now here she was, kissing him again.  Again. And in a public place, no less.  What the hell was wrong with her? 

She sat down in the lobby, alone as usual, and waited.  Lennie was in labor. Ellie had texted that she and Jacob had gone to take Cooper home for the evening, and Ben…well she had no idea where he might be. She’d assume he would have left after his run in with Jacob. Controlling assholes, she thought to herself.  She pulled out her phone, opening up her Kindle app, as her thoughts turned back to Ben…

She’d gone to bed the night of their date, her heart hurting, her body aching with loss and yearning.She had wanted to kiss him more, had wanted so badly for him to stay and hold her, to make love to her, but she knew this was a dead-end street for her. And for him.Ben might’ve been a dick the first time they met, but Shelby had talked with Lennie since then; she knew what a great man he was, how kind he was.  Michael especially sung his praises. She’d heard story after story of Ben’s positive attributes, and yet she was still oh so hesitant. But why wouldn't she be? She was a nobody, while he was one of the most famous faces in the world at the moment.She might not have seen all his movies, but she’d Googled him; she knew how famous he was. There were websites and memes and everything else dedicated to him!

She was such a mute when he was around. Or an asshole. There was no in-between. It was like he took away coherent thought and reason, and she just reacted. Either she couldn’t talk, or she was talking too much. Either she was a wimp, or she was a hard-ass. There was no middle ground with him, and it confused the hell out of her.  She wondered what it would be like to just have a conversation with him? To just sit and talk and pick his brains and get to know him. There were so many things she wanted to ask him, so many things she wanted to know. 

 _Ah, Shelby_ —her mind warred with her — _then he’d want to pick your brain, and what exactly would you tell him, hmmm?_ Would she tell him about her rape-induced celibacy since age 15 when she’d been assaulted by the quarterback of the high school football team?  That she’d been labeled a tramp, and that she must’ve wanted it, because there’s no way on earth a pastor’s son would rape someone, right? Certainly not one with as bright a future as he had! That she’d started binging and purging and starving herself the moment Brad — the quarterback — had asked her to prom?  That she’d struggled with an eating disorder ever since, and nearly bankrupted her family twice due to medical bills and hospital stays?  That she didn't even graduate high school. Missing so many days after being in the hospital had left the school no choice. That nothing had come of the incident with Brad, and that he and his perfect wife and 3 kids were living up in Lafayette in a big-ass house and new cars. That she'd been left to wonder if it really was her fault for all these years, and that maybe, maybe if she'd handled things differently, then maybe things would be different now. 

Would she tell him that her family hated her, even though they pretended that they loved her, and that Jacob was the only one that “got her”?  That her mother was mentally ill and  morbidly obese, and did nothing more than sit on her couch in her trailer, day after day, and wait for Shelby or the other girls to bring food and other things over to her? Her mother, living on government assistance  and disability, the majority of her financial struggles due to a debt that Shelby could never repay.  That her dad had died from a heart attack two years ago, and for Shelby there wasn't a moment that went by that she didn't believe it had been caused by the stress she had brought on the family.  She'd known it was her fault; they never let her forget.  Her sisters reminded her on more than one occasion that,  _“Dad had been in good health until you got sick”._   She could still feel their accusations, even though she hadn’t spoken to them in at least a year. 

Would she tell him that she'd been working at Friends since forever, and that she was still trying to finish her GED so that she could get into a local community college or trade school and actually have some kind of career. That she’d settle for being a dental assistant if it meant she didn't have to work at the bar any longer. But it was hard getting hired anywhere without a high school diploma. Damn hard. It was harder finding time to finish her GED. She kept getting older, and it kept getting more and more difficult to make that commitment and find that time. She just kept putting it off. 

What would she tell him about her eating habits? Lord help him. She still didn't know why she'd agreed to dinner, knowing she would never, even in a million years, eat in front of him. She just wasn't ready. She barely ate in front of Jacob! Besides, her food at the moment consisted of coffee, wheat bread, and turkey breast, and a handful of almonds. Maybe an apple or some other kind of fruit if she was feeling particularly hungry, but there was no way in hell she would eat that meal at Milano. She had no idea how many calories were in that!  If she let him in her head, Ben would think she was completely crazy. He could never understand how far she'd come just by adding those foods in, few as they were.  

 _Nope,_ Shelby thought internally.  She couldn’t have a  conversation like that with Benedict Cumberbatch. He wouldn't understand her, and frankly, she couldn't expect he would, given his lifestyle. 

She was so far beneath him it wasn’t even funny.

* * *

 A bag of crisps in hand and a bottle of water, Ben made his way back to the room, only to find out that Lennie was indeed in labor, and it would be some time before everyone was allowed back in. He was told to take a seat in the waiting area if he would like, and he was beyond thankful to find it was only Shelby sat there, tucked away in the corner, her head down as she scrolled through her phone.Jacob, Ellie, and Cooper were nowhere to be found.  Deep down inside, and as much as he loved the boy, he sure hoped they'd gone home for the evening. 

“Mind if I sit?” Ben asked quietly, not wanting to disturb her. He could tell by the set of her jaw, the coolness in grey eyes, that she was absolutely still pissed at him, but he’d swear that he saw something else flash over her features before the anger set in. He’d bet his life on it that she almost cracked a smile when she looked up and saw him.  

“I don’t own the hospital, sit wherever you want.” She continued looking down at her phone, her lips taut with the displeasure he'd brought.  He leaned over ever so slightly to see what she was doing.  

“Do you mind?” Shelby scowled at him. 

“Just curious what you’re reading,” Ben smiled at her. 

“Poetry, if you must know.” 

“Really?” Ben asked, surprise evident in his voice.  Now he was curious. 

“Yes, really.”  

“Dare I ask who?”  Ben continued annoying her.  

“Lang Leav.”  

“Wow.  Lang Leav?  That's depressing, love.  Should I wait here while you phone your old boyfriends?”  Ben teased, chuckling as he did so. Despite her annoyance, Shelby giggled a bit. 

“She does make you want to reminisce,” she agreed.   She wouldn’t tell him that it was he, actually, who had popped up in her head as she was reading the poems, every word seeming to remind her of him and the kisses they’d shared.  None of her previous boyfriends had ever kissed her the way Ben had, much less left her longing and feeling so damn empty afterwards. 

“Anything else you fancy?” Ben crossed one long leg over the other, getting as comfortable as possible in the hard hospital seating.  

“Bukowski, Faudet, of course.  Rupi Kaur. A little bit of everything, I guess.” Shelby shrugged noncommittally.

“Jesus. You're either a hopeless romantic, or a cynic. Which one is it?” Ben queried with genuine interest.  Would this girl ever stop amazing him? _Bukowski? **Leav?**_

“Probably a little bit of both,” Shelby admitted quietly. 

“One more than the other?”  He silently cheered for the romantic side of Shelby that he was sure was there. She'd just not shown it to him yet. 

“The world may never know.”  

“Share one with me?” Ben asked her. He was going to do anything in his power to keep her talking…now that she was finally talking to him and not trying to kill him.   

“It’s all silly,” Shelby shook her head, her insecurity creeping in and threatening to take over. 

“Humor me,” Ben cajoled, his voice low as he encouraged her.  “I’ve not really read those authors much. Curious to see what strikes you as interesting.” 

“Okay,” Shelby mumbled as she flipped the virtual pages on her phone. She finally landed on one, and began to recite it…  

 

                 **“I turn away**

**and close my heart—**

**to the promise of love**

**that is luring.**

**“For the past has taught**

**to not be caught,**

**in what is not**

**worth pursuing—**

**“To never do**

**the things I've done**

**that once had led**

**to my undoing.**

 

By the last word, she was whispering, her throat tight with emotion.

“Wow.” 

“Yeah,” Shelby murmured. 

“He must have been a lucky guy,” Ben remarked quietly, his own voice somber. He was cognizant of the fact that Shelby had just shared a piece of her heart with him, and he would do his best to not forget that little snippet of information. 

“Actually, no. He was an asshole.” Shelby muttered, her mouth settling into a tight-lipped scowl as she thought about _him._

“Then fuck him. Cocksucking prick.” Ben bluntly stated.  

At the serious righteousness of his words, Shelby burst out laughing, causing Ben to laugh a little himself. 

"What did I do?” he asked, his smile still in place.

“What do you mean?” Shelby asked, wiping at the corner of her eyes with her fingertips. 

“Whatever I just did to get you to laugh like that,” — Ben tilted his head at her, one brow arched— “tell me what I did so that I can do it again.” 

“We finally agreed on something. We can agree that he was — _is_ — a cocksucking prick.”  Shelby glanced at him, a small smile on her face as she uttered those words.  He smiled back, giving her a wink for emphasis. 

“It’s a start, right?” 

“I guess it is,” Shelby agreed.  

“Read me some more poetry, please?” Ben asked, scooting down low in his chair as he moved closer to her.  "We'll be here for a while, I'm sure." 

“I have a terrible reading voice.  You have the good voice, Ben,” Shelby hedged, holding her phone out for him to take.  “Maybe you should read it?” 

“I do believe that you just paid me a compliment?” Ben perked up, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

“It was an accident, clearly brought on by lack of sleep and not enough caffeine.” Shelby quipped.  

“And now she’s teasing me,” Ben breathed out, his tone that of mock-amazement.“Has hell frozen over?”

“You’re such a pain, oh my god,” Shelby muttered, but there was no malice in her voice. Not this time. 

"But I think I’m growing on you, yet,” Ben surmised, smiling like a cat that had just gotten the cream. 

“Maybe just a little,” Shelby admitted. “Like a tiny, tiny little bit.” She held up her thumb and pointer-finger, positioning them close together to emphasize just how little.  Ben was undaunted, his grin growing by the second as he crossed his arms over his chest in his perceived victory. 

“Better than nothing, sweetheart.” 

  


	12. Chapter 12

Shelby came back through the double doors after hearing the chime of the doorbell indicating someone had come in. 

“Just a minute!” she yelled out loud.  It was super early for anyone to be in the bar, but whatever. More tips — _hopefully_ —for her.   She was the only one here, so it was her that would take the order.  The rest of the crew wouldn't be in until at least six. 

She grabbed her notepad from under the bar and looked up, nearly dropping said notepad when she saw who was sitting at a far table near the restroom. 

Ben.

It was about a week later.  Lennie had the baby — another boy — and everyone was at home, all doing well, and things had slowly gotten back to normal.  Shelby actually hadn’t seen Ben since the day at the hospital.  Well — _she reminded herself_ —she had caved, and watched some of his movies just to see his dumb face again.  What a complete and total embarrassing moment that was in her life.  She'd sat there, probably watching **_Dr. Strange_ ** at least three times, and God help her, but his role in **_Star Trek: Into Darkness_** had nearly turned her into a damn trekkie herself.  He was so unbelievably handsome.  

And now, here he was, staring up at her with those eyes and that smile, and all she could think about was those kisses they'd shared and that damn Dr. Strange. His jaw was covered by a few days scruff, and her fingers literally itched to touch it, to feel his skin against hers once more. 

The last few nights had gone well, with her earning decent tips, and not having too many unruly customers. It had been going well, she sighed… Up until now, that was.  Seeing him sat there, she’d immediately felt that nervous tension in her stomach, that feeling that made her think she was going to be sick like when the rollercoaster had dropped too fast.  Ben had that effect on her.  However, she couldn't lie and deny that part of her had almost smiled when she realized it was him that had come in, while the other part of her began to worry.  He confused her, these contradictory emotions flowing through her whenever he was near. 

“What are you doing here?” Shelby bravely huffed as she stood before the table Ben was occupying.  He smiled up at her, that endearingly, ingratiating grin that she both hated and simultaneously couldn’t get enough of. _Why was his face like that??_

“Having a drink, of course.”

She snorted as she whipped out her pad and set her pen to it. Sarcastic bastard.  “What can I get you?”  When he didn't immediately answer, she looked back up at him again. The arrogant bastard stared back, his damn, gorgeous mouth still molded into that smile. 

“What have you got on tap?” Ben asked, one brow arched.  

Shelby rattled off multiple beers before Ben — _the ass_ — finally decided on one. He'd acted like he was choosing which paint to use on his walls, he took so much damn time, his finger tapping at his temple as he decided! When she returned a few moments later with his chosen beer, he was still grinning like an idiot.  She plopped the beer down, inwardly gloating when just a bit splashed out and landed on the back of his cellphone.  _Serves him right,_ Shelby thought to herself!  Ben acted like he didn't see it, but she knew he did. 

“Anything else?” She asked sweetly.  

“Another date would be great,” Ben threw out casually.  

Shelby snorted. “As if.” 

“You know, it’s just occurred to me  how confident — _and dare I say cheeky_ — you are when you’ve got a job to do, or you’re around other people, but when it’s just me and you” — Ben leaned forward, his voice dangerously low — “I’ve seen you fall apart at just the touch of my hands.” 

Shelby gasped at his audacity. 

His voice dropped even lower. “Not to mention the kisses we’ve shared.”  

His eyes darkened, seemingly morphing colors right before her very eyes, and Shelby felt her breath catch in her throat.  Ben’s mouth curved up into that same knowing smirk, and Shelby felt her cheeks flame anew — **something she realized was becoming a norm around Ben!!!** —and it pissed her off to feel so out of control with him!  And damn him, he knew what it was doing to her.

“You know wh—” 

“In light of the time we shared at the hospital, I’ve brought you a peace offering,” Ben remarked, pushing an envelope across the table towards her before leaning back in his seat.  He took a sip of his beer, his eyes never leaving her face. 

“What is that?” Shelby eyed the envelope.  

Ben nodded down at it, his eyes glinting with mischief. “Open it and see for yourself.” 

“Probably something stupid, if it’s coming from you,” Shelby snorted as she picked up the envelope and warily eyed the contents.  When she pulled out what she soon determined to be tickets, and when she saw what exactly the tickets were for, her mouth fell open with shock.  

She'd pulled out two tickets for _**Roger Water’s Us + Them**_ tour at the Smoothie King Center this upcoming weekend.  

She looked up at Ben, her jaw still slack with the surprise.  

“These are Floor A tickets. Like _right-by-the-stage-kinda-tickets_ ,” Shelby breathed out, still in shock. 

“I was told they were the best.” Ben continued grinning at her, sitting back as he crossed  his arms over his chest.  

“These are so expensive, Ben. Oh my god.” Shelby couldn't stop staring at the tickets. As soon as she’d heard that Roger Waters was coming to New Orleans, she’d started saving and saving just to afford some nose-bleed seats, but even those had been out of her price range given all her current problems.  

“Well, it’s Roger Waters, so.…” Ben replied, drawing her eyes back up to him.  “Go with me.” 

“Ben, I—”

“ _Oh Ben, I would love to go, and thanks for the tickets. You’re an awesome guy._ There, I finished your sentence,” Ben winked at her.  Her gaze narrowed again. 

“Why would I go with you?” 

“Because I did my research and bought the tickets. Because I rescheduled my flight so that I could stay longer.”  He stood up and came around the table to stand before her. “Because you want to go with me just as much as I want you to come. And because I sort of think you like me as much as I like you.” 

“I don’t,” Shelby insisted. 

“You do,” Ben countered just as easily.  “Come with me for just a moment? I need to show you something.” He held his hand out, waggling his fingers for her to take it.  

Shelby shook her head in disagreement. “I’m at work—”

“Yes, and I’m the only patron you’ve got, so come with me,” Ben commanded.  

“Only drunks start drinking this early,” Shelby retorted.  It was Ben’s turn to snort. 

“Even a bloody virgin couldn't get pissed on that shit. Shelby, please. Come with me.”  The frustration was starting to become more evident in his voice. 

“Fine!” Shelby relented finally. She ignored his hand, but followed him to the hallway that led out to the delivery deck, her grey eyes watching him warily as she stared at his back.  Just before he reached the door, he turned around, cupped her cheeks as he pushed her up against the wall and kissed her again.  

Shelby didn't know how it happened, or why, but rather than push him away, she found herself with her fingers knotted in the fabric at his waist — just as before — her mouth just as hungry as his.  The kiss was hot, fiery, and demanding, a promise of things that were just out of reach, and oh so very close.  When his hand traveled down her arm and rested at the base of her spine, pulling her closer to him, Shelby let out a moan, her whole body trembling at his touch.  Ben growled himself, kissing her hard once more before releasing her lips.  He pressed his forehead to hers, their shallow breaths mingling as they sought some semblance of equilibrium.  

“Told you so,” Ben breathed out, nuzzling his nose against hers.  

“What?” Shelby stammered, still dazed by his touch and close proximity.  

“You want me as much as I want you.” 

Shelby closed her eyes, allowing herself just this moment to feel him. To feel his body against hers, to feel what it felt like to be wanted, and to want someone in return.  She felt scared with Ben, but not in the same way that she felt scared with the others.  She felt safe with him, and she felt like he wouldn’t intentionally hurt her.  He had kissed her a few times now, but never had she felt like he was pushing himself on her. She knew she could tell him to stop and he would.  Without thinking, she lowered her head and nuzzled into his chest, hugging him hard. 

“Shelby?” Ben questioned as he adjusted himself so as to wrap his arms around her shoulders. This was going better than he thought.  “You alright?? 

“I’m okay,” she answered, her words muffled against his shirt.   

Ben could hear in her voice and saw in her actions that she wasn’t alright.  Somewhere in the back of his head, a little warning light went off, but like everything else with this girl, he ignored it.  He ignored it, and hugged her a little tighter.  

“I hope you like the tickets,” he murmured before kissing her on top of her head.  She had her hair pulled up in that messy bun that he was so fond of, and a part of him couldn’t help but wonder with it would look like, cascading down her naked shoulders as she sat astride his—

“Are you sure, Ben? It’s so much money, and I couldn’t possibly pay you back for them,” Shelby leaned back to stare up at him, her lips pursed with displeasure.  

“Nonsense, darling!” Ben kissed her pursed lips until she relaxed, until he felt her body melting back into his.  She was so damn responsive to his touch, and as a man, he couldn't help but feel that male pride burgeoning deep within him at having made her happy.  If she only knew all the other things he wanted to do with her. To her.  _Stop it, Ben!_ he yelled at himself, willing himself to settle the fuck down before she felt just how much he wanted her. Jesus. 

He forced himself to step back, but continued cupping her cheeks in his large hands.  “I found out how much you like _Pink Floyd,_ and I wanted to take you out on a proper date, and the stars and the moon and sun aligned, and now we’re going to this concert, right?”  

“We’re really going?” Shelby smiled up at him, the first truly genuine smile he’d ever seen from her, and Ben would swear on all that is holy that he fell in love with her right then and there.  She had dimples on both cheeks — not just the one — and the tiny little nose ring was back in place, and god she was just absolutely fucking gorgeous. 

“Yes, my darling girl. We’re going.” He leaned down, kissing her on the tip of her nose as he smiled.  At that, Shelby shocked him even further by throwing her arms around his neck, and hugging him even tighter. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She squealed with excitement. 

Ben fell a little deeper, and knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, he would do anything in this world to keep that smile on her face. 

Anything. 


End file.
